“Is this Racism?”

I have struggled for years with a totally unique position. I am an African-American woman, raised in a completely Caucasian world. My first five years of life I barely remember, however that is the only time I have ever lived in an urban environment. It is the weirdest experience. I am not complaining. I am not angry at the cards I have been dealt. It must have been a struggle having three very little brown babies in the inner city, trying to decide where to raise them. When the job transfer came up, what would be he healthiest move for this blossoming young family? Dad decided to take us to the country up North. Most of our relatives felt that it couldn’t possibly be the same state, even though it was a mere 200 miles away. The drive wasn’t too drastic, but the culture,shock…..WHOA! Our first night we were dismissed from the home we rented because, the woman assumed my highly intelligent sounding father was white. Wow, were we off to a good start in January, in Michigan, back when we had real winters. Fast forward…I have a very different sense of humor when it comes to issues of race. My dad said his goal when we moved to “country town”, was to make every prejudiced person change their perspective of black people. He had crazy strategies like, hiding in his secretary’s office until she arrived, and then jumping out of her closet when she got to work. Believe it or not a lot of people did end up changing their perspective of what a black person is. It was an amazing thing to behold. He used humor a lot. He was not above making fun if himself. He would tell race jokes where it was supposed to be about a black person, but he would change it to to whatever the race was of the person he was addressing. It was his version of an icebreaker. He wanted to encourage dialogue between different cultures. It worked. Many formerly racist people opened their minds to respecting black people. No longer were we just thieves, drug dealers, addicts, womanizer’s, crack heads, dead-beat dad’s who pay no child support, or people who sit on porches eating watermelon, while other people work, or baby mama’s….and whatever else narrow minded, unexposed, racist people might believe. You can only imagine being raised in this unique environment, how crazy my sense of humor became. I do not comprehend how saying that Mexican people eat tacos is racist. Don’t they? I do not understand why black people are said to eat fried chicken is racist. Don’t all southern people eat fried chicken, in addition to every other American? I don’t get it! Do Chinese people eat rice or not? I am pretty sure they do. Here’s the deal, as far as I see it. We all bring something unique, fun, interesting and colorful to the table. Lets share it, be open to it, try new things, celebrate the differences, and search for the commonalities. I love going to a Turkish restaurant and eating on the floor. I love eating authentic Mexican uncovered of cheese and sour cream. I refuse to eat Asian food without chopsticks. I love going to the Caribbean for a heart to heart conversation with locals. I love seeing what we can learn from the French, English, Russians, Germans, and on and on. The bottom line is,… Can’t we just be more open to exploring culture, race, language, food, etc… So that things are not just an issue of race, but a celebration of the different colors in the human race. Is this racism? Signing off.

“Happily Ever After”

By now many know, that I gain a ton of incite behind the hairstyling chair. One client, who never fails to move me, blew my mind one day. She moved to the states ten years ago. On her very first visit, she shared that Americans are obsessed with, “happily ever after”. I asked her to explain what she meant. Her first example was of the story, “The little Mermaid.” I giggled wondering where this was going. She simply said in her very blunt manner of speaking, “Ariel dies!” I told her that she doesn’t die. She explained that We do not watch the real version. Apparently Somebody decided to keep the, “happily ever after”, thing going and not tell us the real story. She shared that it was even affecting our education system. I asked how. She said at teacher conference appointments, they are afraid to tell the truth about our kids because we cannot take it. Apparently in her country, the parents expect negative comments in order to push kids to try . They tell the parents the weaknesses, of the child, where they could improve, and they are forthcoming with it. Since she moved to the states, she believes we are making our kids weak, and soft. When I asked how, she said, we tell Children, they are winners when they may be losers, we tell them they are smart when they may not be. We tell them they are beautiful even if they are not. I must say that when I thought about it she has a point. Is that why kids today seem to have no coping skills. I literally had someone walk off the job after a a suggestion was made on how to improve. She mentioned that no one had ever been unhappy with her before, and she could not deal with it. WOW! What is happening? We cannot raise an entire generation of people with weak characters, and no coping skills. Isn’t that why so many people are committing suicide, or worse randomly shooting people, only then to kill themselves. Could this be a reason? Once kids get into the real world, they find out the truth about their gifts, talents, beauty, intelligence, etc… We better tell them the truth. I asked her what she did about the movie, when she realized the ending had been rewritten. She said, I went and found the original. I asked, “how did your child respond?” She said, “she cried , and she got over it!” Wow did I learn by getting another point of view. Do you feel we could be weakening the next generation by teaching “Happily Ever After?” Signing off

“Who thinks complaining is hot?”

Last night I was working on a head of hair extensions. In walks a seemingly lovely young lady who needs a trim. It was almost time to close, but we did have a stylist willing to stay late to accommodate the woman. The entire time she was there, my client and I had to listen to the constant complaints of Every human who has ever had the privilege of servicing her or her mothers hair. I always knew complaining is draining, but this conversation really spoke to me. During the time she went on and on about some poor stylist, and how horrible they were. She mentioned that the hair stylist, tried her hardest to please her, she stayed after hours, and did the service for free. Overhearing this conversation, even the client in my chair began to giggle. It was especially astonishing because she said, ” I don’t really want to complain but….” It was ridiculous. She then proceeded to go right back into complaining again. It really made me stop and think about how complaining makes us look. When we are tearing someone else down at that level, someone desperate to please us, can we cut them some slack? It is one thing for one to have an attitude, or someone starts rolling their eyes at us, or slamming things around, making it obvious how disgusted they are. When someone has gone above and beyond to please us…REALLY! I do not even know this stylist, but I felt so sorry for her. You could just tell that this thoughtless girl tells this sob story to everyone willing to sit still and hear about it. The lesson I learned here was how important to is to examine ourselves when we are complaining about someone. What is the real motive behind it? What do we hope to accomplish by it? I think if that women had a clue how she was making herself look, she may have reconsidered running that young stylist Into the ground. Maybe it is just me, but do you guys think all that whining and complaining is hot? Signing off.

“Ooh who did your hair?”

Today I overheard a very interesting conversation at the shampoo bowl. I guess I never realized just how many people depend on compliments after a hair appointment, to feel justified in making that investment In themselves. My personality must be very unusual. It never occurred to me to look for recognition from others as motivation for waxing, plucking, trimming, washing, curling, exfoliating , or any other service I feel I want or need. I do it for me! I truly do not want to look down at crusty feet. I cannot stand the notion of crazy cuticles everywhere on my hands. My eyebrows being shaped is because of what it does for my Sense of femininity. I cannot imagine getting a new look to please any other human. I simply must be comfortable in my own skin, or how can I be truly authentic. I cannot tell you how many women have said to me that they cannot get this or that done, because their husband, may not like it. I don’t know, maybe I am the freak on this one. I just cannot understand why someone would be married to someone who doesn’t trust their own judgment of what is tasteful or flattering. Before you met they did not choose your look. Maybe I am being ridiculous, but if they liked the decisions you made on beauty before marriage enough to choose your judgement, then why wouldn’t they trust your ability to choose what makes you feel and look beautiful now? It is just a thought. Am I making sense here? I would love to hear your thoughts. Signing off.

“Tutorials”

I recently had the desire to add tutorials, to my technique list of sharing information. Today while brain storming, I had several ideas. It occurred to me that my readers may want to get in on requesting specific things they may want to learn. We could do a demonstration on how to determine the open side of your face compared to the closed side, and how that affects where you should part your hair. We could include information on those best suited to wear their hair parted down the center and why. Their are lessons about skin tone we can discuss. Many could benefit from knowing why they are drawn to certain colors when they shop, and how that relates to the color we should have on our heads. How about eyebrows? Would in interest you to know how we determine the shape, and the real difference that can be Made. What about if you have a facial structure that isn’t exactly symmetrical, and you want to create the illusion of balance? How about this one. Have you ever struggled to recreate the style you received at your last hair appointment, but you don’t exactly know why? Do you have a hard time knowing what clothing styles, silhouettes, angles, design lines, and colors, tones, and patterns you can wear when you shop? Would these be topics you would find helpful to learn about?
I would be thrilled to create an opportunity where men and women could learn to master these skills. I would love to hear your thoughts on other tutorials you would find beneficial. Please challenge me to create classes that you don’t even think relates to the beauty industry. I would love to see for myself just how far we can stretch this thing. Signing off.

“Please DO NOT DOUBLE DIP”

No one ever forgets the first time they went out for appetizers with friends, and someone in the group was a double-dipper. Awkward! Here is another one for you. You go to the movie with someone ,(you are not related by the way), and the person you agree to share popcorn with is a finger licker. I mean between every handful. This is a great diet plan. You will instantly begin losing weight. How about the moment when you sit down to enjoy a meal, and just as you put the fork to your mouth, someone begins to blow their nose, right in front of you, or worse yet ,in a fine dining restaurant, at the table. If it weren’t so grotesque, it might be hilarious. I remember taking some of my team to a nice lunch in Chicago. Most of the women with me, had worked for me for years, so we were all used to dining together. One women new to our team immediately attacked the bread basket. Wanting some bread immediately is very tempting, however we must use the linen napkin provided. She took her immense sized hand and grabbed the entire loaf of gorgeous warm bread (thoughtfully covered I might add), and ripped a hunk off for herself, while of course touching the entire rest of the loaf. She then promptly tossed the rest back into the basket. Anyone who knows me will tell you that I do not have the gift of a poker face. My entire team looked to see my expression of horror and then cracked up laughing. They knew exactly what was going through my head. You know things like if their was a barn involved in her upbringing? Anyway, we discreetly shared why everyone was giggling, while at the same time trying not to humiliate my new hire. As you can tell, I could go on all day about this stuff. I do not want to be too wordy today,for those readers with ADD, so lets turn the tables. I want to hear from you. Share a story of an embarrassing moment you have experienced, where it maybe was not the classiest manners, decorum, behavior, etc… I cannot wait to hear. Signing off

“Charm School…..Shall We?

I recently learned that out of all of my friends, I am one of the few whose mom attended charm Class. I cannot help but wonder what we would all be like under such influences . Can you even imagine being in a room full of people being instructed on how to sit, Stand, walk, talk, and every other social grace? I have to say that I find the idea rather intriguing. I am not just thinking about women either, but gentleman as well. Living in West Michigan only emphasizes how casual we have become. I cannot tell you how many men do not even own a business suit. The only reason our men feel they even need a suit, is for a funeral. They do not even see the need to look their best for worship. People will buy a suit, or at least attempt to look their best for court, because they will stand before a judge. What about the most high of the universe? People have gotten so casual, they believe the most high God wont care what they wear to come in before him. The reverence is gone, the respect is gone, the self respect as well. Would it help if in school charm classes were included in our education? Imagine how a young lady or gentleman would present themselves for a job interview, had they been exposed to such social graces. Now that would be a thing to behold. Perhaps that is why since my youth, I have been enamored with classic movies. Family members took the way they presented themselves for the evening meal seriously. A man would have never thought of coming in from a days work, and plopping down at the dinner table before cleaning himself up. A wife would not have accepted it anyway. Children would not appear without washing their hands and face at the very least. Imagine how elegant it would be to host a dinner party where people cared about how they appeared. Wouldn’t you feel special if your guests dressed up, because you were providing them with an elegant meal? I would love it! I know it sounds old fashioned to care about ones appearance, but Why is It a negative to be old fashioned? Don’t many of us enjoy antiques? Consider this. Behavior that is antiquated can also be beautiful. We can learn a lot by studying the social graces of days gone by. Why not watch a few classic movies, or television shows to see the way men and women used to behave, dress, and communicate in social situations. Why not plan an event where etiquette and social, graces were a requirement. I can’t wait to hear how this made everyone feel. Signing off.

“Right Brain vs. Left Brain”

Every year I attend a fall show with my team. Usually when stylists go to a hair show, they focus on the latest haircut or color. I realized that as a salon owner, I would need to commit to attending more business classes. One that forever changed my life was on the subject of brain types. I could not figure out what this could possibly have to do with the beauty industry. Boy was I in the dark. It literally has to do with every aspect of this industry. Have you ever been interviewing someone, and as they are talking you feel like they are totally incoherent? You cannot follow them. Seriously, it is as if they are speaking a different language. If you have dealt with this, chances are that the other person has an opposing brain type than you. The teacher did a demonstration to help us really understand this. She had us answer various questions To determine our brain pull tendencies. In my group, most of us were similar in our percentages. However, one person in our group was the exact opposite. Next we were separated into two groups. All of the stylists from one group looked very well put together, but in a more classic way. Everyone had hair and make up on, but it was soft and well blended. No one on stage spoke, and there was even space between everyone’s body, quietly waiting for the teacher to give the next set of instructions. Once seated again, she asked the opposite group to come on stage so that the opposing group could get the difference. It was astonishing to see, and hear the differences! It was so loud that the teacher could not be heard. Their was bright colored make up on, wild multi-colored hair, huge gestures used as the stylists chattered on. Everyone was touching constantly even though most had never met. The teacher basically looked into the audience and simply said , “See what I mean?”. Man was that ever powerful! You see the girl in the second group, was in constant conflict. People from that brain type we learned, tend to be highly emotional, highly artistic, highly opinionated, often with a short fuse, lovable, but infuriating all at the same time. When you own a business, you better understand right brain and left brain, because then you recognize when you hire a doctor Jekyll and Mr. Hyde, type, and you are ready for it. It is ideal if you can hire those pulling from the center, because these employees are artistic, and on time for work. Which part of the brain do you pull from? Why not go on line take a test and see. It will surely bring clarity to many life situations. Let me know how it goes. Signing off.

“From heads to headboards”

I noticed from my responses, that many people like design principles. Ever since Writing about how it relates To hair styling , I have learned just how far-reaching it really is. One day I was thinking about my favorite hard wood flooring. In one home, I selected Brazilian tiger wood . Contemplating my approach to designing a new head board ,I realized i had an additional couple of boxes of wood , that I could get creative with. Why not use this beautiful wood to create an amazing piece of furniture for that king size bed. It looks like it needs to have a nice frame. Tiger wood hAs so many variegated tones. I love dimension. Think of a customer who continues to highlight their hair over and over again. Many do not realize,that with no darkness, there is no light. People will ,continuously wish for brighter and lighter hair. Always remember this principle. Sometimes they demand brighter highlights ,plus contrast. Unless you realize the principles of design, you would never know that with no darkness there is no light. Lighter is not always righter folks. Soon I will show you the finished product. signing off

Perception vs.reality

Earlier this week a reader asked if I would rant about perception vs. reality. This topic is very powerful in my world. Are you aware that as stylists we are told never to argue with a client about what they are seeing? This topic is the very reason why. I am a hair color specialist, yet I still try very hard to remember never to tell a client that if they see brown, and I see blond, do not try to convince them that they are wrong. Here’s the deal, what they see is what is real to them. Even if they agree with me in my chair, they will for sure go tell everyone that I turned their hair whatever color I wanted, instead of what they asked for. This is the honest to goodness truth. We must use other methods to learn their individual meaning of blond, short, long, full, or edgy etc… If we do not learn this reality, we will be forever in trouble. The bottom line is, it doesn’t even matter who is right or wrong. It matters what people perceive. Their perception is the only thing we must get right. It is their reality. It’s applies in every situation, especially these days. I have actually had someone tell me I was mad, when I was concentrating. I do not have the gift of a poker face, or an expressionless look. The problem with that is that people will go with their own Perception of what they are seeing every time. This is scary folks. My senior stylist told me as I was getting prepared for a high pressure fashion show, that she thought I was having a nervous breakdown, and wouldn’t be able to come through for our show. I was truly in the zone, hyper focused on the task at hand. Sometimes people will think you are mean, when you are suffering from sleep deprivation. People will think you don’t love them, when you are just so frustrated because you love them so much, you speak with more force. You know their potential, and you just want them to reach it. When you are passionate, some may think you are intimidating. If you are cute, or successful, at any level…JUST FORGET IT! You will forever be in trouble. People will just look for a reason to perceive you in some ole crazy way. Just remember, the sooner we learn the difference between perception,( which by the way is just somebody’s interpretation of what they are seeing), and reality, the sooner we won’t go insane trying to figure people out. Share some of your funniest stories of being misunderstood due to this complication. Signing off.